Technology, Can’t Live Without it, Can’t Shoot it

I’ve mentioned this before; I’m a technological neophyte.  Every time I try to do something by myself that involves electronics, I almost destroy the world, or at the least, my world.

Our wireless router went the way of the Dodo this week.  Its environment didn’t destroy it, as far as I know, but it did cease working.  My F.I.L. was the one that detected this after he witnessed me smacking the side of the laptop because it wouldn’t connect to the Internet. 

After he diagnosed the problem he broke the bad news to my wife and I gently, but it still hurt… especially in the wallet.  He was kind enough to advise me where to go and what to buy, which is the way I like it when I know nothing about something, because then I don’t have to over-think the matter.  I would make a good soldier, as long as I didn’t have to exert myself too much or get my hands dirty.

The little sponges that live under the same roof as my wife and I accompanied me to Office Max today to buy the new router because I couldn’t leave them home alone with the dog.  It’s not that he isn’t capable of watching them, but they tend to mimic his bad habits, like drinking out of the toilet bowl, licking himself and watching too much Lifetime.  Those chick flicks can really damage an impressionable child’s psyche.

When we got back, the kids wore themselves out in the yard enough that they both wanted to nap, which was the plan.  Being the go-getter that I am and the fact that I was the only adult home and the little ones were sleeping, I hooked the new one up by myself.

Most people probably feel a sense of accomplishment when they take on something that intimidates them, I just felt sick.  I assumed that I inadvertently ruined our laptop, desktop and/or new router even though every thing appeared to go smoothly. 

My olfactory receptor neurons were in overdrive as I typed this, because I feared that something would be burning soon and if I caught the odor of smoke quickly I could possibly limit the damage.

So far, so good.  Keep your fingers crossed. 

Does anyone want to buy a slightly used wireless router? 

Welcome to the (late) 90’s

I finally have an MP3 player.  I received it as a gift yesterday and now I have to figure out how to load it up with some cool tunes by groups like U2 and The Carpenters. 

This might sound like an easy task to most of you, but I’m a “neophyte” when it comes to electronics.  I’m not kidding; I finally learned how to program a VCR the day before they became obsolete.  Does anyone want to buy some used VHS tapes?  How about the final episode of Seinfeld that I taped in 1998 by hitting the record button?  I’m kidding about that last one, because it would be illegal to peddle someone else’s material.

I’ve been notoriously incapable where electronics have been concerned.  I had to sketch a diagram of our first desktop set up to make sure I could hook things back up when we moved five years ago.  I drew every cable and every portal in each of the devices whether they were being used and it still took me days to piece it back together.  That was partly due to me laying on the couch everyday watching Jerry Springer or Oprah on my days off (this was pre-children).  Now I’m lucky if I can watch SportsCenter long enough to catch one nickname like Jeff “Don’t Beat Up the Grocery Store Clerk Just Because He Can’t” Bagwell because Backyardigans or Sesame Street is on or Cars is in the DVD player that I only know how to use.  I couldn’t hook it up if my life depended on it.  Well, maybe if my life depended on it.  That could be a good game/reality show, just not with me as a contestant.

Don’t blame me completely for my lack of electronics savvy because I was born with the luddite gene.  The scariest thing about this is that I’m the one that attempts to teach my parents how to use modern devices.  They went kicking and screaming into the remote control world back in the late eighties.  Back then I was the remote control for my father no matter where I was in the house.  When I finally moved out they had no choice but to accept it and learn.  I’m not blaming my lineage for my incapability; I’m just using them as an excuse.

I’m going to try and hold off on asking for help with this MP3 player thing for as long as possible.  Maybe if I read the instructional manual I’ll actually be able to figure this one out.  But I probably won’t because that would be like cheating and it’s so freaking boring.  I guess if it comes down to it, I’ll eventually have to ask either my wife, my F.I.L. or my B.I.L. (Uncle Scientist) to help me with this one like most of the things in my house that need tending to that involve electricity.