Last night This morning got started way before I would have liked. First there was screaming, second there was a plea for help, and thirdly I plopped out of bed and crawled to the wails of my wife and son.
He’s still a little sick, so I wasn’t completely shocked until I got near him. He wreaked of fecal excretions. My sense of smell wished for the pleasant odor of a skunk or rotten meat. My wife had a snarl on her face. At first I thought that she was upset with me, but then I realized she was just trying not to breathe in the foul air that enveloped her as she tried to soothe the little perpetrator of this crime against all things good in this world.
For anyone who has been in this situation before with a child or intoxicated adult you can relate to how we felt. After the shock of the problem dissipates, acceptance comes. The inspection process is next and then we can figure out the best way to get him cleaned up.
It was bad, very bad. The poop (I’m a parent) soaked through his diaper onto every bit of clothing he was wearing. The sleeper kept it all inside, which is a good thing believe it or not. We tried changing him in his room, but that wasn’t going to cut it. The stressful situation and exhaustion caused us to get snippy with each other, which didn’t help the situation. This didn’t last too long because we knew we had a job to do so we brought him into the tub for a proper washdown. This was no small task because he was a mess and in a very bad mood. He wiggled around more than Greg, Anthony, Murray and Jeff combined. The wash cloth dripped brown as we scrubbed his red behind and belly and legs, etc.
The whole thing took about a half hour, I think, but seemed like three hours. I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone… well, maybe a couple of people. I’m sure we’ll laugh about this someday after years of therapy or we lose our sense of smell.
I’ve been awake since 6 am Friday (give or take a couple of cat-naps) and I’m getting cranky. Every time I doze off something unnecessary wakes me up. Here are a few examples: a man was beaten to a bloody pulp and needed our help… give me a break; Someone was possibly trapped in an elevator… can’t it wait until morning?; another guy was beaten bloody… not to a pulp though, so he definitely could have waited. Those were during the night.
During the day my kids demanded my attention… like I’m any fun. They even insisted on eating… more than once. My wife told me to go to bed, but I refused unless she would join me. She said no… I’m hoping it was because someone had to be with the children and not because I still haven’t changed my underwear. I asked her if we could put them in the crate with our dog because he’s old enough to watch them (4 years old x 7 = 28 in dog years). I even promised to make it quick… like I have a choice. She still said no so I stayed awake.
I finally fell asleep while watching television at 3:40 pm. Unfortunately, I had to leave for work at 3:50 pm. Things keep coming up at work that make it hard to sleep… obligations, duties, bosses, etc.
So here I sit in my crankiness hoping that tonight I’ll finally be able to sleep. I want to reach James Frey’s supposed level of unconsciousness in his memoir without the aid of any drugs or alcohol. Wish me luck!