Pessimistic Optimism

Life as I see it… sort of.

The Waiting (part one)

I’m not much of a dieter so take what I have to say with a (multi-) grain of salt and a pound of sugar.

I took the daughter to BJ’s the other night to do a little bulk shopping because we were down to seventeen rolls of Charmin and two 19.7 oz. boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios at the house so it was obviously time to replenish the shelves in our basement. 

We hit a little bump in the road in the beginning of our excursion, as my daughter puked in the parking lot before we went inside.  This was kind of odd because our boy’s usually the puker (see Yummy, Blleh, Bbllleeehhh, Yummy), but she’s a trooper and decided to carry on with the mission without any prodding from me.  All did seem well when we headed in because her stomach must’ve been empty by the size of the puddle in front of the Lexus’s driver’s door parked next to us.

After the quick cleanup in the men’s room the two of us loaded mass quantities of things we use at the house into the cart.  You know, like, four tubes of toothpaste, two huge jugs of refillable anti-bacterial soap, eight tubs of Vaseline, six jars of mayo and an apple.  Just things we needed… I thought.  I should have brought a list.

I knew that we needed wheat bread so we headed toward that area with high hopes of getting what we needed.  No such luck.  After pacing back-and-forth between the three bread aisles for about thirty minutes I came to the conclusion that they were out of the butter-top version I usually buy; all that was left was the whole-grain stuff, which I know is good for you, but tastes like a sponge, or cardboard, or something non-food like.  You may ask, have you actually tasted it, and the answer would be a resounding YES… I think. 

I thought about stopping somewhere else on the way home, but it was almost my little girl’s bedtime and I figured that we could handle whole-grain for once.  Let me rephrase that, the kid’s and my wife could handle whole-grain for once so I grabbed a loaf and headed to the checkout.

This short story made long was what brought me to my current state of fear.  I discovered yesterday that I didn’t buy the whole-grain loaf; I bought multi-grain instead by accident.  I really don’t know anything about multi-grain besides that it smells like PLAYDOH, but I did read on the package it’s a great source of fiber.  This kind of scares me because my kids don’t really need any assistance in the bathroom.  Well, not that kind of assistance.  If anything, I’d like to curb their output if possible.  Even though this stuff went through my mind I fed it to both of them anyway.  My son’s eaten it yesterday and today with his jelly and peanut butter and my daughter today only with hers.

The boy has gone dump-less since before his first taste of this flavorless vessel for things you normally put on a sandwich, such as jelly, peanut butter, lunch meat, salmon or cheese, so I’m hoping it isn’t some sort of time-released colon bomb that goes off in 48 hours because I think the load would exceed the maximum capacity of his pull-up.  If this faux food affects people differently, my daughter might be in a bind at preschool right now if it hits her just right so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. 

It seems to be out of my control so it’s just a waiting game.  Hopefully it’s worth the wait.


September 18, 2007 - Posted by | family, Humor, kids, life, parenthood, parenting, Uncategorized


  1. Ummmmmm……that ‘nice teacher’ could be ‘changed’ for the experience!

    And *whew* that I don’t drive a Lexus.

    Comment by Mel | September 19, 2007 | Reply

  2. I try not to think about what the Lexus driver did when they got back to their car. Actually, that’s a lie, I’d loved to have seen their face. Is that wrong?

    Comment by linusmann | September 21, 2007 | Reply

  3. So is the waiting over? Otherwise, its been one long week for my godson.

    Comment by Aunt Weather | September 21, 2007 | Reply

  4. A.W.,
    The waiting is… stay tuned.

    Comment by linusmann | September 22, 2007 | Reply

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