Pessimistic Optimism

Life as I see it… sort of.

Makeout Sessions and Potty Talk

My little girl’s growing up way too fast.  It seems like she just went to school for the first time last week.  Oh yeah, she did just go to school for the first time last week.  So much has changed about her, or me, depending on whom you ask.  I’ve caught her practically making out… twice. 

The first time she lip-locked the boy across the street, which was okay, sort of, because he moved away later that day.  No, it wasn’t because of some futile threat I might have or have not thrown at him that said something about castration.  He’s six, so he probably doesn’t even know what the word means.  I probably shouldn’t have drawn pictures for him.

The second time happened right in front of me, again.  This girl needs a little dose of modesty added to her Fruit Loops in the morning.  While waiting for the teacher to open the preschool door my angel planted a big wet one on a kid in her class.  Luckily for the kissee, he acted like he didn’t enjoy it so I didn’t have to play Pictionary with him, I’ll just keep my eye on the little miscreant.

Another sign of growing up or at least maturing came from something she told my wife.  A more accurate term might be im-maturing even if that’s not a real word.  She explained to my lovely wife that a toot, AKA a fart, flatulation or air biscuit is made up of two poops in her body smashing together.  She surmised this from the information she received about thunder coming from two clouds crashing together.  This kid might have a future in science or as a shock jock.  I prefer the former unless she goes into syndication with the latter.

As a parent for life, I guess I’ll just have to get used to the kids “growing up”, but I don’t have to like it.  Then again, there must be some advantages to them getting older.  Is four to early to mow the lawn?


September 12, 2007 - Posted by | family, Humor, kids, life, parenthood, parenting


  1. Karma is getting even with you! If, and that’s a big if, I have a daughter of my own, she may never see the light of day. I’ll let Disney Channel and Nickalodean or whatever be the parent. She cant turn out any worse than Gilligan. Just be glad Britney and K-fed arent arent involved in raising this kid. And why are you exchanging recipes with the mommies? I cant think of any reason not to, but that’s not the point. get your recipes from the internet like everyone else, when they appear as pop-ups while looking at porn!

    Comment by Dave Bannister | October 16, 2007 | Reply

  2. Dave,
    I don’t know why Karma would have a beef with me; I’ve always been an upstanding citizen… as far as most people know.
    You, a daughter, is there something we should know?
    What’s porn?

    Comment by linusmann | October 25, 2007 | Reply

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