Pessimistic Optimism

Life as I see it… sort of.

A Whole Lot o’ Presents

Wow, it’s Thursday already and I’m still exhausted from partying like a two-year-old on Sunday.  Er, I mean, from throwing a two-year-old a party.  There were balloons, cake, pizza and wings, party hats, presents and beer, you know, all the stuff a toddler loves.  I’m kidding… the boy doesn’t like wings.

My wife and I decided to give the presents from our daughter, dog and us to the toddler of honor before the party started.  The boy shredded the first gift’s car-adorned wrapping paper faster than I could type this sentence, but the other forty-two took forever.  My little girl did her best Daddy impression by acting very impatient during this tedious task.  I frowned at her, but could feel her pain.

The first guests arrived early, you know, right at the time listed on the invitation, and the birthday boy was still napping.  I think they did it on purpose because we usually do the same thing if we actually get out of the house without someone having to go potty or one of the kids needing something.

The boy joined the party a few minutes later as more and more and more people walked through the door bearing gifts.  At this point I wore a few hats: drink server; coat check girl boy; and pizza delivery guy.  The latter I reluctantly, yeah right, agreed to do because it would take me away from the party for about ten minutes.  My F.I.L. joined me on the ride and did all the heavy lifting while I opened the doors and my wallet when necessary.

The delicious greasy food went over big because pizza and wings is just another food group in Western New York.  We also had a garden salad for those guests who actually like to eat healthy and it surprisingly was devoured, also.

The gift opening ceremony was next because we wanted the TUMS® to have time to work before we had cake and ice cream.  I mentioned in a previous post how I abhor children’s gift openings (see Camping: Two kids, a wife and a whole lot of bullfrogs) unless they’re my own kids, so I rudely took it upon myself to buzz through this ritual without reading cards or displaying clothes to the masses who were kind enough to purchase said cards and clothes.  I ridiculously thought that I was doing everyone a favor by sparing them from what I perceived to be a boring waste of time.  The unwrapping flew by faster than the stenographer could record who bought what.  Luckily my M.I.L. decided to show off all the clothes to the feminine persuasions in the crowd, because they enjoyed it, believe it or not.  As for the birthday boy, he was happy playing with whatever new toy we put in front of him whether it was one of the many car related items, his hungry lawnmower or his Bob the Builder tool set.  Surprisingly, no one directed any negative comments toward me that I know of about my callous act of ignorance.  Maybe they kept their distance because the party began to get to me a little and I started to resemble Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

The cake and ice cream went over very well except that our two-year-old refused to blow out the candle and I couldn’t muster enough wind to do the job which is out of character for me I think because I’m frequently told that I’m full of hot air.  My wife eventually extinguished the big two and the servings began.

The guests eventually left and we surveyed the damage.  The house actually didn’t look too bad, especially because my mother and M.I.L. cleaned up pretty good.  I knew they were invited for a reason.

There were new toys everywhere and the exhausted kids were ecstatic.  I was elated, too, because you can’t beat having a bunch of people at your house happily spoiling your child with gifts and good wishes all the while putting up with me.


April 19, 2007 - Posted by | family, Humor, kids, life, parenthood, parenting


  1. Sorry we couldn’t be there, Just would have added to the Chaos. And of course I will offer you a correction in your statemant about the boy and the wings. I have Photographic proof of his LOVE of wings, especially the hot sauce. We have a lovely picture of him and his sister devouring wings at Wing Fest this past year. All covered it hot sauce and big smiles on their faces. Luckily you had to deal with the “aftermath”

    Comment by The Good Uncle | April 19, 2007 | Reply

  2. GUnc,
    See disclaimer to the right of the post and you two were missed.

    Comment by linusmann | April 19, 2007 | Reply

  3. “partying like a two-year-old on Sunday”

    Man, I can’t tell you how many times I said that in college.

    Comment by Diesel | April 20, 2007 | Reply

  4. Diesel,
    Did you say it when you woke up screaming with poop in your diapers… too?

    Comment by linusmann | April 21, 2007 | Reply

  5. The whole Jack Nicholson reference is similar to how my husband acts when we have guests come to our house.

    I have to hide all of the bats ahead of time!

    He’s always worried about ‘people trashing’ the house.
    As if our friends and family are going to jump on the furniture and turn the whole event into something out of Jumanji. I really need to get his dosage upped!

    Comment by Zoning Out Again | April 22, 2007 | Reply

  6. Zoning,
    You mean that your friends and family don’t jump on the furniture? Lucky you.

    Comment by linusmann | April 23, 2007 | Reply

  7. Well, sometimes on the dining room table, but that’s only after coffee and dessert and it’s always my husbands grandparents.

    Comment by Zoning Out Again | April 23, 2007 | Reply

  8. Gee, and I thought that your eyes were looking a bit glazed over. Jack, eh? Oh, and you’re welcome. I do my best to entertain. Did I forget to mention my fee?

    Comment by The GrandMother | April 23, 2007 | Reply

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