Pessimistic Optimism

Life as I see it… sort of.

Close Call

“You almost dropped me into the potty.”

The words cut through me like a knife, or at least like a paper-cut, because my daughter, my innocent ever-so-trusting daughter, directed them at me.  I wanted to cry… but that’s a different story.

“I didn’t almost drop you in the potty,” I whined.

It might have been a little too close for comfort for my finely trained potty-goer, but I was right there the whole time and never would have let her fall into the bowl.  I mean, she barely got her bum wet, yet she harped on about this for forever or two minutes, whichever came first.

“Daddy, I would have been in with the poopy and tinkle.  That’d be yucky.”

“Yes, it would be yucky, but it never would happen.”

She looked at me as though I just told her that Santa Claus and Anthony Wiggle don’t exist.

“Daddy, you almost dropped me in the potty.”

I’d heard enough, but there was nothing I could do to change her mind because that moment that she felt like she was being dropped in with the poopy and tinkle was burned into her brain.  What’s a father to do when he’s lost the trust of his offspring?

I know that she’ll eventually get over this because I’ve been there before… a few times.  The two most notable ones both happened in our pool.  Two years ago I tossed her up very high and “missed” her on the way down and she didn’t like that at all.  Last year was even worse.  She kept jumping off the deck into my arms and then my lovely wife decided to take a picture so I had to prepare myself, right?  I bent back and submerged dipped my hair into the water so it would look good in the picture and I came back up at the exact same time that my daughter jumped.  Ouch!  We clunked faces.  Tears and blood were everywhere and some of each was hers.  Luckily there was no permanent damage except to my pride, because my wife likes to show people the pic of me trying to look pretty.  To my daughter’s credit, she was jumping into my arms again five minutes later.

I’m sure that I’ll come up with a way to regain my daughter’s respect and trust soon, but until then I’m locking the bathroom door while I’m on the pot. 


March 9, 2007 - Posted by | family, Humor, kids, life, parenthood, parenting


  1. As always I loved your post

    Comment by hudds53 | March 10, 2007 | Reply

  2. Bill,

    Thanks for reading. Keep it up, you’re good at it.

    Comment by linusmann | March 12, 2007 | Reply

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